This is a mommy rant hating on a childless author. Just so you’re warned.
I recently read an article about how the author did not want any kids….”ever.” In the article she was explaining how she was a single child and absolutely loved it. She explained how that made her career-focused, selfish and self-centered. And how that’s ok in her view. Which..hey, if you’re ok with it, I am too. Then in the article she kept going on and on about how people poke at her for not wanting kids. Whether telling her she will change her mind, or that something is wrong with her, or that she doesn’t know what she wants. The author objects to being made to feel less of a woman for not wanting kids. Funnily enough, she absolutely loves cats. And I’ll tell you why it is funny to me below.
Anyways…as a new mom, I kind of had to comment 🙂
My thought is…you need to change your circles if you’re being criticized; and you are in charge of how you feel, think and the choices you make so you shouldn’t feel less of a person for not wanting kids. There is no reason for anyone to respond to this preference unless they really, really want kids or they already have some; so watch who you share the not-wanting-kids with and no comments should be made towards it. If you’re telling that to a woman who’s been trying for a child for nine years but hasn’t been able to conceive, then expect a strong response to the opposite of your preference. In the same way I don’t understand someone who likes cats. It is appalling. I hate cats, I don’t understand them and they seem useless to me. Now, I would never hurt a cat. But I genuinely don’t like them. The idea of a litter box inside my house gives me chills. Is there something wrong with me? No, I don’t think so but you’d probably tell me “you don’t know how wonderful they are until you have one.” Consider that same concept when it comes to kids. Also, I usually don’t voice my opinion of cats. I really don’t care how much you like them.
Another part of my two cents is…even if you wanted kids, people would find something else to say to try make you feel less of a person (than them). Whether it’s that you bottle feed instead of breastfeed or that you put your baby down at 8pm instead of 6pm or [insert anything here]. I can go on with other life examples outside of children. My point is that we live in a society where we like to criticize. Whether it’s criticizing the ones who criticize us, or look down on a habit, custom, desire or lack thereof. It’s what we do to and for each other; there is no real purpose to it, other than, I guess, making ourselves feel better?
Here is where my hippie self comes out – let’s just all love on each other. There is no reason for anyone to feel less of a person due to their decisions. God loves us anyways. Granted, I don’t know how he does it, but he loves us for who we are, childless, pet-less, job-less, busy-less, etc. I love the author for sharing her preference about children in this article but I think she needs a hug; why would she feel less of a person for not wanting kids? Why would she think she’s not normal? I feel there’s a deeper self-worth issue here.
I can honestly say that the idea of being married and having kids rarely crossed my mind…even when I was engaged. And it took me FOREVER to get used to being a wife and a mom. But once I embraced it, it changed me, made me a better person. It gave me a purpose greater than myself. I rarely wonder what the reason for my existence is now. My job, Mac, car or pets, etc. they are collateral benefits that I enjoy in my life of homemaking and motherhood. They are gifts that I don’t take for granted and I absolutely love having. Their existence has a purpose in my existence. But they don’t define it.
If you’re living life to the fullest by building your career, then so be it. Let that be your life’s fulfillment. If it’s kids, then so be it. If planting a Sequoia tree is your life’s dream, then by all means. But work on a legacy. Leave something behind to be remembered. Live for something or someone greater than yourself. Selfishness is fruitless, not virtuous.
…and hope the author doesn’t accidentally get pregnant. Because either her or the growing peanut would be really miserable. I honestly don’t think she doesn’t want kids. I think she just doesn’t want to raise them. Honestly, who would want to go through that trouble? I want six children but I really don’t want to raise them. But, who doesn’t want a bunch of mini-me’s around when they’re 92 in a retirement home?