It’s not just a new year, it’s a new decade!!!!!
Last decade I entered as ‘me’ with my lofty dreams and ambitions, last decade I became a wife and a mom naively thinking that everything will still fit into my bachelorette schedule.
I completely underestimated how much becoming a wife and a mom would change me; I thought I can just keep on dreaming my dreams and writing my fairy tale life.
I mostly changed in a way that it brought me to my knees; countless times for countless reasons. There is this never-ending hustle and bustle of being a homemaker that I never truly grasped before. How could I? Movies make it look so easy: the newborn stages, toddler stages, school kid stages. Then add in a relocation stage, and a homeschooling parent stage.
Oh, my life. There are so many plans I have for you. Yet, I find myself pinning them up between dishes, laundry, board books, and nighttime routines.
This is my life: a perfectly imperfect cocktail of routines, plans, organized, and unorganized chaos. This is my would-be monotonous life; but Lord help my soul if I dare deviate from it. It seems merciless to skip dishes one night. Next thing I know, I haven’t washed my hair in two weeks.
I’m kidding. I’m pretty sure I washed it last week. Maybe?
What do you do when you’re not the person you were before, but not quite the person you plan to be either? This diamond-in-the-rough kind of limbo. I can easily lose myself in the canyon between my good-example-setting-mom life and Ina-is-still-a-person part of me.
The gift of a diamond ring, a wedding dress and a hospital gown.
All in one decade, my boys at my arms’ reach. It’s been pure insanity and unshakable joy in equal parts. The gift of a new life in a new town has tested my marriage, my faith, my values, my everything.
There is that voice that keeps saying ‘you can’t do this!’
Anxiety hits, or you’re sick, and have no one to turn to. Fighting with fights, sleep regressions, full-blown tantrums, hair-pulling school dats, talk-backs… I can go on and on; gifts indeed.
Doing this ‘monotony’ this past decade has taught me so much.
- It taught me to live gazing vertically rather than horizontally. Life will be hard either way, why not reset it upon heaven?
- It taught me to shift my focus from me to ‘we’
- It taught me that diamonds are indeed starting “in the rough.” The lessons, the challenges, the sacrifices smoothed my soul; but the precious firsts, the cuddles, the love, and affection, soothed it.
So this past decade was a gift indeed; it shines like a precious diamond because of the beautiful chaos my life’s choices brought me. I was able to spend it with the one I love and create miniature versions of us.
This precious diamond brought me to my knees today yet again. This time is to praise God for his mercies; I have peace and joy in the midst of my chaos. I thank God that I’m able to point vertically to Him and give him all the credit for my dreams, and theirs too.
Beautiful souls, if you are in chaos right now, I say with kindness, support, and encouragement that your diamond is coming. It’s being made. It’s being roughed up and smoothed and soothed. It’s going to shine brighter than the stars because of your God. He will break barriers and unrealistic expectations and replace them with joy and peace.
Ringing in this new decade with more faith, and more courage to choose to do the next right thing.