Have you ever felt like your kid is not your kid? Let me clarify…. sometimes, I hang out with my little one in public, and I feel like people look at us like I stole her. Weird feeling. Really weird feeling. It may just be me because… well. I’m weird. This may have never happened to you before.
I promise you. She’s mine. I got the muffin top to prove it. Anyways… when people say this age is gold, they weren’t kidding. I want to PRAISE THE LORD and run away pretty much every other minute. Here are my top ten conversations with this troll of mine.
#1 THINKING IS HARD WORK
Me: what did you do?
Her: I was teenkeeng..
Me: you were thinking?
Her: yeah. It hurt.
#2 WHAT IS LOVE?
Her: mami, I love you.
Me: awe. I love you more.
Her: I love you too much
#3 WHEN LOVE IS NOT IN THE AIR
Her: I wanna watch teevee
Me: well Tati has to take me to work
Her: how about you take yourself to work?
Me: …. no
#4 WHEN LOVE DOES NOT GET IT
Her: are you making muffins?
Me: yep yep yep
Her: yaaaaay, I am so excited I just can’t wait to hide it
#5 WHEN LOVE HAS NO MASTER
Me: can you put the towels in the kitchen please?
Her: yes… master
Me: did you really say “master”?
Her: yes…. master
#6 WHEN LOVE DOES NOT COVER POOP
Her: mami I’m done!
Me: okay, don’t forget to flush and wipe.
Her: mami, look. I pooped. That one looks like pasta. That one looks like it hurt.
#7 WHEN LOVE WON
Her: what song is this?
Me: it’s called YOU FORGIVE ME
Her: forgive me?
Me: you know how we say I’m sorry sometimes? And then we reply to each other that ‘it’s okay’? That means that you forgive each other
Her: and then we give hugs and kisses and say I love you. And we put the pieces back together.
Me: what pieces?
Her: the heart pieces.
#8 WHEN LOVE IS SYMPATHETIC
Me: ugh… I’m tired
Her: oh mami, I know it’s hard but you have to listen to me. It’s hard being a mommy.
Me: … 😳
#9 WHEN SHE SEES A BABY AT THE STORE
Her: look, mami, a baby like at school!
Me: oh yeah. Do you see a lot of babies at school?
Her: yeah, they go whaaah! Whaaaah! … like djeca mala (her baby cousin)
#10 WHEN LOVE IS STRONG WITH THIS ONE
Her: where’s Tati?
Me: he went to D.C. But he will be back in 3 days. Just like Jesus was.
Her: no I don’t want him back in three days. I want him back in five minutes
Me: well, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment with such wishes.